从新开始。

学业上，因为我的自大自傲，我失败了。我一路铺成下来的努力一瞬间瓦解。就因为我看小考试。就因为人家说我很厉害，就自觉地自己很厉害。最后我什么都不是。我什么都没有。我的短期未来计划全数幻灭。我失败了，很庆幸，在我身边有一班真心的朋友鼓励我，激励我。最重要的，Vivian并没有令我失望，他的鼓励，就只是在短短的几句话和深深地握住我的手，一切尽在不言中。无声仿有声的感觉，奇妙，温暖。现在，我又开始懒散了。我再不冲刺，我完了。我的人生，可不能在此止步。我的梦想，我的未来，实践中。

感情上，波浪不断，一次比一次更高潮。一次比一次得更爱对方。但是，我的心理，开始有了恐惧。就只因为，我没试过这么的爱对方。我们的感情因为代沟与距离，产生过小问题。我们沟通，我们坦诚相对，我们进步。因为语言上的误会，我们时常发生问题。我们沟通，我们了解，我们改变。因为脾气上的问题，我们吵，闹，我们沟通，我们忍让，我们明白。我们的感情一天比一天的进阶。我发觉到我的问题是，我太过在意她，太保护她。他是一个外刚内柔的女人。必要时她也会硬邦邦的告诉我，我不是你想象中酱弱的。不然就骂我低估它。宝贝，你要知道你的男人可是跌倒比任何人吃饭还多，所以他永远都可以及他的经历来明白你接下来的结果。虽然我很没用，但是我每次对你说的话，你会默默认同不是没有原因的。。。我在感情上市一位弱者。因为我收过得伤太多，导致我的感情思想女人化了。我每次开导女性朋友的感情事我都很厉害。但是原来这般思想可不能用在我的感情上。因为，我是你男朋友。我是你的男人。我的果断变成了优柔寡断。我的冷静变成了我得着急。我的保护变成了她的枷锁。我错了，我的女人因该就让他碰壁让他跌倒，在他受伤时我陪在他身边就够了。这样，他才能学到，他才能明白我的苦心。而第二个错误是，我投入太多了在他的功课，以为可以帮到他，但是结果，他还是这样的忙，也是这样的因课业而暴躁。当然，我遭殃了。。。T.T 而我的出发点，是希望可以减轻她的压力，最重要的是，要她学习我在分配功课的方式和了解到分配的重要性。结论，我看不到。而我也不想正面说她。就再观察，我应该抽身还是再正面告诉她的问题在那里。。。hmm..我不能够在如此地为你着想了。因为我会让你觉得我很烦了。是时候放手了。。。
我在感情上的理论，就是不要吝啬地说出你对她的感觉。我爱你，谢谢你，对不起可不能少。因为，沟通，就是我们值得骄傲的地方。不是每个人的感情都能够沟通到的。。。所以，珍惜。一切一切，不是必然的。我没有试过长过四个月的感情。能不能够细水长流，我们一起在努力吧。~~

家庭上，问题不断，我的夜归，变成了父母怀疑的重点。但是，我真的没有做什么坏事，也没有参到什么坏朋友。。。只是。。。我有了女朋友。。。我很像告诉你们，但是。。。算了吧。我的成绩绝对会是你们攻击的地方。只好在努力，再次证明给你们看了。。。

总结，我是时候从新出发了。我要努力了，我不能让父母担心了，也不能依赖在女友的怀里了。走吧~

I AM DOWN.

Its been someday i didn't blog d...and there is a lot of time i wan to blog out what is in my heart...looks like i am too busy(lazy)XD.

so, new sem, with a fucking bad result really bring me down. my education part was just not what i have plan and my upcoming plan all not gonna work out anymore...everything gonna replan...i hate that i have become so arrogance that thought that read through will just bring me to pass. i am so in-concentrate on my studies after i have finish all those assignment. it is so stupid to think that you are so fucking smart. this is the most stupid thing i have ever done...end up, i fail. this show that, LOUIS, YOU ARE NOTHING!! ya, end up i am nothing. i shouldn't teach anyone of you all thou. i need to bring myself lower. Everyone, LOUIS IS NOTHING. DON"T FEEL SO SURPRISE THAT I HAVE FAIL 4 SUBJECT.

i promise to myself, i gonna pass those subject this sem. OR NO I WITHDRAW...
i can't be so lazy anymore.
i can't be so into other people stuff.
i can't mix up my relationship with my studies.
I WILL BE SOMEONE SOMEDAY. BUT now JUST let ME be NO ONE.

故事还在继续。。。

一个男人，其实有多少时候，使回答重心底的对自己所作的一切来认错呢？我对于我的自大自满，我的目中无人，我的恶劣的脾性，对大家说声抱歉。对爱我的人说声抱歉。对于你一次又一次的原谅，我觉得很惭愧。一支说下的对不起，完全变的没有意义。对不起不应该用得如此泛滥。我跟不应该被原谅。但我却没珍惜你给的机会。

打从一开始我也知道了，我本身的能力，完全是外人给我的嘉许。我却沉溺在其中而变得更加的自大。也不知从何开始变得自满。总觉得一切都可以解决。当事情不如我想象中般进行，便开始让脾气控制大脑。一切一切把自己推向末路。把我们建立起来的感情止步。原来的气量全然消失。原来的潇洒荡然无存。

我应该相信他的眼里只有我。但是却怀疑他身边的人。我应该相信她的计划，却大言不惭地说出一切一切的自以为是。说着她的脾气，却不望下自己的野蛮。说着她的脸色，却不看下自己的行动。说着说着，我也只是在说。我也什么都没做。

你完全把自由交给了我，我却没完全把信任交给你。我逃避面临到的小插曲。我懦弱，我没用。因为我没用，所以变得没自信。因为没自信，而提高了醋劲。无能。无能啊。。。。。

我不值得拥有一个如此美好的恋情。我不因该被建立这么好的羁绊。因为面子，因为尊严，男人们犯下的错，却一次又一次的被原谅。见了那么多朋友，开导那么多的朋友，自己却还是这样的犯下如此愚蠢的问题。没用。没用啊。。。

我能做的其实很简单。谦虚，谦虚。信任。信任。冷静。冷静。如此简单的的事情都做不到，誓不为人。我不能再等事情发生了才来后悔。不该到了最痛的时候才流泪。谢谢你。你让我了解到我们的进行曲，还有很多很多。路还有很长很长。你的包容，你的大量，我心领了。我会把自己归零。从新学习。在这段路上进步。对不起谢谢。。。

谢谢你的爱。。。

南贩珍珠北贩盐
年来几倍货财添
劝君止此求田舍
心欲多时何日厌

因为他妈的年头抽中酱的一支签，做什么都绑手绑脚。
也真的不懂做么酱久才去拜那一次神，签就酱准。
我很不甘心。一点都不甘心。
就只差那么的一点点，东西就没办法撮合。
只能说在不对的时间遇上对的人。

打从一开始我也没想过要认真的再谈一次恋爱。
毕竟我没有那个心，也没有那个能力。
直到发觉到因该认真的时候，原来我已经投入了比我想象中的还要多。

但是没有用了。


一开始我们还只是猜疑着对方的心态。
很对不起的说，我很怀疑到底你是不是玩玩的心态。
直到握紧大家的手，我才发觉我喜欢对人了。
从她的眼里，我看到他的真诚。我看到他的避忌。
我看到他的信任。

东西太过顺利往往都会在最后一步出错。
我们被逼斩草除根。酱我们刚刚一同培育的幼苗抹杀。
我也明白家长往往会比较重要。但是你也不能说不喜欢就马上不喜欢啊。。。
我是一个普通的人类。。。我有感情的啊。。。我不是机器说关就能关。。。

伤心是难免的。我会为这段没法开始的感情留下多少的眼泪呢？
对不起，请原谅我的懦弱。因为我是LOUIS。

我可以问谁？我可以怪谁？
每次主张爱里没有错，但是这次我就真的只能怪自己。
怪自己的任性。
任性的以为自己可以改变我所看到的事实。
自大的以为可以改变天意。
狂妄的以为她会为了我而一起扭转心态。
我错了。

路还要一直走下去。有缘的话在路的末端再见吧。

对不起，谢谢。
对不起我带给你的麻烦。
谢谢你给过我的24小时。

-末。默-

谢谢~

谢谢~现在这里谢谢大家的努力。目标接近了~但是心情却没满足到呐~
原因就不再说了~

我发觉到偶的人脈其实还不错，虽然没有什么大老板或神童，但是却引导我到达我目标，也还能接受啦~好过没学到任何东西。
人脈，就是偶的本钱。人脈有多少，前途就有多少~
那我的前途有多少呢？？？

今天对于感情的感触也还蛮有概念的~看到他们有问题也帮了他们少少，总觉得自己还蛮落寞的。那天我已经暗示她，我会落寞其中一个原因就是因为没有了亲爱的在身边陪我分担陪我分享。。。以前我会因她开心而开心，她会因我难过而难过。那天她就陪了我。是因为他明白了我暗示，还是她知道他因该陪我，让我开心他才会开心呢。。。

我只有一个结论。

不成熟的爱是：“因为我需要你，所以我爱你。”
成熟的爱是：“因为我爱你，所以需要你。”

-我需要你-
谢谢~



有些人，认识了几年，只是个普通朋友。有些人只认识了几个月，就好比生死之交。为什么会就此变成兄弟，偶也不知道。偶只知道现在我们自称''黄金左右手''。因为，我用右手写字，他用左手。。。XD
只是很简单的理由，因为我们志同道合。

很多人为了爱情忘记友情，有些人就为了友情放弃爱情。因为不成熟。

偶的人生有过很多过客。过客里有很多对我说了‘得空喝茶’而成为了我的常客。
一句得空喝茶到底有着多少含意，偶不知道。我只知道我的身边能喝茶的人，对我来说越来越重要。因为人老了，能够明白我的人也不多了。

我身边开始有了不少帮助我的人。
有的人在我孤单无助时帮了我一把，
有的人把他的心事与偶交流，互交意见与了解，
有的人也成为了我的伴侣。
有的人与偶过了疯癫开心的日子，但是现在音讯全无。

很多时候还蛮想打开电话簿拨个电话看看他们怎么样了。但是偶都没做到。
因为我怕人家忘了我。

值得庆幸的是偶的身边有一堆知心的朋友。交心的朋友。
一些在偶困难伤心事会马上陪偶的。
一些在偶想倾诉是用心聆听的。
一些在偶开心时与其度过的。

当然偶身边也有以利益相见的朋友。
人长大了，朋友多了，但是真诚交心的知己却越来越少。
不知道以前的十年之约大家还会记得吗。
不知道以前答应自己或大家未来的承诺还会兑现吗。
偶不知道。
偶只知道，路一直要走。以后再社会里遇到偶，一起喝个茶吧~
谢谢一路陪伴偶的人。不管你对我来说好或坏，希望你能走到你的目标。
偶努力中。目标又前进了一大步，也清晰了。

偶希望你不是我人生的过客而已。。。

-加油-

Dissapointed.无能为力

很多时候都是我的错。只因为我的脾气怪里怪气。我也就认了。检讨了。身边的好朋友都说偶善良了。堆积在心里的压力也就随之而来。因为我的人太重感情，就让人有机会往我的背后插几刀。甚至利用。用得就用。理所当然一般。偶也就做。因为我觉得我有能力。随之而来的，却只换来无经验理念概念的批评。呕心沥血的作品一文不值。人格也随之被唾弃。能力也变成无能为力。

只上课了40天。事情可以演变成这样。无聊。真的很无聊。都去了人生的另一个阶段，还在发生这样无趣渺小的屁事。该做的我也做了。对得起自己对得起大家。无奈，我舍不得放下大家曾经想要建立的感情。可能也是只有我自做多情。但是我真的无能为力了。

大从一开学，我看到她，我也就知道她不是她所说的这般无心机。也在她每次的说话当中，看出了她的本性。自以为是的无视让我对她印象不太好。可能她也就从小就惯了这般的生活。但是我还很白痴的对她没有保留。以致我的脾气随之影响。也对，以前我的嘴也得势不饶人，现在有得我受。Even Jessy D Niki Esther也赞成我的看法。我对了，我却不高兴。第一次看对人但不高兴。我看对了alex joan chung. 我看对了 jessy peggy hian esther woei foong colleen yy EE 还有CAV的大家。但是我看漏了 CLEMENT 的影响会导致jessy辛苦了一年。现在我看对了。看到她讲话不可一世的态度真想一巴盖醒她。看小人的眼神也真想看下她以后橦扳的样子。搞致现在的地步我也被逼放手了。不是不管，是管不了。死心了。

大从一开始我也明白不是每个人能像esther般对我说心理话。真诚且无助的言语让我每次都后悔没能与大家同在升班。我只知道事情不是必然能发生的。我交出我的背景与真心，换来怀疑与不可信任的对待。那天他给我的脸色，我真的没法必然的咽下去。我知道我的语气是错了。但是我的出发点与目标却明确正确的。她不领情。她不想明白我到底放了多少心思。只是觉得，我不可以这样。不可以！我认错因为我的语气。我却不会低头说我那天是做错的！！！死都不会！干刁我啦！！！！

大家朋友，这里收秘密，那里说男生不用知道。对，你对。对到你们去为他庆祝也没打算叫我们。此举动绝对性的把朋友二字糟蹋了。难怪D也都说大家只可以到同事的身份。只有我白痴想叫这类的朋友。只要没有利益的交涉，大家可以无视大家的朋友。真他妈的应验了D一认识我的时候就批我把感情投入得太快。优点也是缺点。迟早会被它害死。我这次上了很重要的一课。一课让我学会应该先以自己出发，不该事事为他人着想出发。不是大家都领情的。

我太抬高我自己了吗？？偶也不知道。因为这些话，全是我身边关心我的人告诉我的。不知不觉，我因为她们，忘记了我身边还有CAV 和旧STARBUCKS的人关心我。也有了身边D和Niki的开解。我不该执著着改变。应该接受没法改变的事实。我的人，就衰在感性。动不动就为这些没有价值的情感流泪。动不动也就被这些鸡毛栓皮的无聊事迁怒于自己。搞致片体鳞伤。渺小。太渺小了。

weih esther EE i miss the days when i get dump we all hang out at pavillion sugai wang and go sing K lo...peggy ah i miss the days we argue for nth lo...hian and yy we pc fair can always meet i no diu you sin. btw at here gong xi HIAN get into a relationship d. damn happy can se him like this. XD damn miss colleen macam nak cry nak cry and talk with me your prob le...damn miss macha woei foong gila with me...wish all of you are ok with your life...

能做的也做了，该做的也做了。到了最后阶段，收起渺小得无聊，做了最后冲刺...各走各路了。。。我排出来的戏。。。其实是我心里的对照。。。但是有多少个人看得懂？？感谢D今天的没留手，到现在我的脸还有FEEL的咯。。。XD

新的一天，从新（心）出发。感谢大家。感谢你们让我上了一课。对不起，欧要放弃了。

谁看了偶的BLOG，请留字，告诉我，我对吗？？？想念偶的请也留言，偶会找时间和你们单独喝茶。酱才可以谈话啦~^^v

该放就放~

我不是很喜欢用华语打blog因为打很慢。。。但使用英文又词不达意。。。久久还是用下华语吧。
到了第三个星期我真的很累了。每天都没办法真正的休息。回到家也没办法思考该做的功课。有点对不起偶的组员。能够做的，就只有上课时真的上课加思考同步进行。幸好现在上的课我还能应付。只是剩下那些麻烦的报告。真他妈的累。我的累已经堆积到睡觉都未必能好的地步了。。。还说什么恋爱，命都不够长了。。。已经过了一个多月都不知几时会再心脏病发。。。希望D他们不会被吓坏和谅解我吧。。。我也不想的。。。T.T
D说的话也很对。我们必须相处两年半的时间，现在才刚开始，不要搞出什么乱子比较好。我们相处得好像一家人就好了。从他口中说出来，我还真的替他心酸。。。这一路到底他是如何走过来的。。。难怪人家会喜欢她都不是我。。。我在他身边绝对得太渺小了。。。后悔也没有用我已经浪费太多时间了。。。能够做的，就是从他身上学他学过的。D，I do really respect you bro. from the bottom of my heart. 看到他，我只想起我以前读书的macha.我们被称为CAV双雄~hahaha一路来我们都并肩地完成全部assignment也一起的度过了快乐的一年。我被逼停学的一年，我不知道你到底发生什么事你留级也退学了。。。还以为有机会再同一系再见。。。现在只能背负着我们一起的梦想，他日成功之时再见！D你不要跑啊我还很需要你在我的group啊~所以今天我才把他们交给你的啦因为我的国文不好我不想害你们。你相信我我也相信你。我就去害别组啦~XD
最经也不知道走什么运，去年得空的时候想认识女生都难。现在就认识一堆!也就很白痴的喜欢了不该喜欢的人！为什么老天爷就是不能够让我单单纯纯的谈下一场普通到打哈欠的恋爱。。。就是要我眼花缭乱心情扎烦到一个地步！！到回头想，我真的那么差吗真的没人喜欢吗？？你只要对我点点头我就赴汤蹈火有前无后的把握的一切交给你了。。。我的累只要你的一句关心我就心肝情愿啦。。。不要问我为什么那么想谈恋爱。因为恋爱真的把我的生活添加色彩和把握的心加强了。你可以不信因为有心脏病的不是你。被嫌弃被歧视的也不是你。但至少我活得比普通人精彩！
我喜欢你，因为我对感觉的忠诚信任不误。但是只能到这里为止了。我不能像以前一样的不顾一切。至少要照顾身边的你们。不能让这些私人事影响大家。错了一次就够了。如学冰说的，你爱的永远不会在你身边,你只会跟在你喜欢的身边。


希望我可以颠倒你的话。

-止-

New life, new tought

after a long waiting year, i continue my study life, a new life.
i am really panic at the 1st day of class. should say nervous. cos i am alone. thou now i have a small little group of friends but i still miss the group we have last time-CAV. and so time goes cant return, i have to appriciate what i have. always my life is really lucky i have a gOOd fren name D. he is a mr.thinker because he really know what is deep inside my heart and my mind thinking. And in our group we have a little princess type of girl i call her ah Baoz. not like others she didnt have bad thought behind. hope i didnt judge wrong lo...and we have a funny girl and a girl about have some complicated life like me name joyce and yenny. so far they are the close fren in my class la...but they didnt really group together cos they didnt really accept all of us together mayb....something deferent is i am much more easy to go along with D's girfriend's group. they are super funny when we talk all bout crap. this is something i didnt expect in my new life cos my kind of ppl i wont be able to have any close friend again.

after friend then should talk bout something more then a friend. as D said me kind of ppl easy attract girls come around me. only now i feel it is so true. i didnt mean i am so ''ban nai'' but...all of them are really good girls and so i really fall into one of 'her' now....she is really pretty and she is one of the best girl i have score before. but after i calm down and think carefully...i dont think i should really go tackle her. i am really not a good guy to deserve someone so perfect... thou i put alot of afford in my study life now, but i am really so ready for a relaitionship d...so hope there is someone can really take my heart away but not 'u' la...i dowan to influence you la....T.T

and so when things are so perfect, sure there is something bad...the cost of having a good school life, i need to wake up everyday 5.30am and so duper tired everyday till night i only reach home...and my body now started to have effect....always sini sakit sana sakit... and i so scare anytime my heart attack will scare my frens away...now only god can save me...can Mr or Ms god bring my life to what i aiming????

i really miss...someone(more than one)

all the suddent in 5.27am, i view esther blog again dont ask me why cos i let me feeling move when my brain is about to sleep. but always, always when i read her blog, i feel so empty...cos i have lost them. i mean i have lost the chances to be with them anymore. i can only always b4 i sleep or when i walkin alone with my mp3 and let all the memories flash in my brain. i really regret of what i have done to make me lose this... just bcos i fail my fuckin bm so i have to move myself away from the future that i think can be more better. things gone is gone. i have a new chapter to move on soon...i am nervous just like last time b4 i start in coll. i am lucky that i meet you all cav1. but will i have the luck again for my new life??

i felt really empty inside myself.i have lost myself...?

busy

these days i am really busy and i am really happy at least there is some super bothering stuff already settle~XD and so i wish my uncle rest in peace since he already suffer for a so long period, now is the time for him rest d. no matter what had he did is already pass and it is mean to be forgive.

new house, new place. ready to a new me~busy la cant write more, chaoz.

wish ppl who view this blog have a nice day~

Louis 20th april 2009

before everything

i am not a guy will write something so nice to attrack ppl to read myblog. but it is kindda happy at least there is two ppl who ask me why i didnt continue my blog. looks like all those shit happen in my life attrack my fren huh....but it do really mess up my life and that make me writing all these crap over here.

as g-when said tomolo will be my big day. i need to get fuck up by PRO department or they will get fuck up by me thou i think i dont dare to do that XD. they do the mistake, i spend what i have, and now there is the pay back time. you know what PRO dep', you mess up with a wrong guy if MR Louis is so seriously piss off~lets party after all this shit settle guy!!!

after this case settle, i think i will be stick up with subang the summit for another 10 months or 21 months. every month i need to work for 20 hours and pay back the asshole team for 75 bucks. when i think after is shift i gonna leave subang totally, this case make me stick up here and again, i cant cut everything at subang.

what did i really do in this empty year when waiting back to study?? when starting i was so desperete to get a job, get tipu into a sales company, making all ppl to pay few thousand to study when ppl are not really that rich. what i saw in this work is all about white lie. All kind of reason to make ppl pay thats all. "you study or not i dont care i just need your money bro! i'm a sales man!"this is what my group tell me. and so after 2 months, i leave. i cant continue my life like this. yeah doing sales line is not wrong but i am so not that kind of guy. i am just a guy that still have a dream to chase and still have a degree to get b4 i died. XD

then after some times, ms clare hung up a ''hiring barista'' outside starbucks. this is the reason i sitting down there interview with clare in the very 1st time. clare do bring me into a deferent world and a new place that i didnt expect i will be. i meet vanee and hadi thou there is something happen as well but, this is still a great place that make me change. And so, i meet Mr chung ms joan this funny weirdo couple thou they are not couple, MR alex that doesnt looks like a eldest son in the family(starting time when i know him)...i found a group of ppl will care and will take care if me. it is really unbeliveble cos from small time until now i am alone. i have not true frens. what i got is myself. i keep everything to myself.

and now starbucks give me a fucking mad feeling. i dont feel any good stuff here anymore since all the people i know had leaving starbucks as well. and through this i know who is the one will really stand bside me. tomorrow will be my big day. i must stand my position myself...arg!!!!

other than this happen, as you know mr louis....he is always be in a relaitionship and always get himself moody cos of relaitionship.....so after so long, after i have accept the term of 'single'. this question pop out in my mind "Did i always fall into someone like a stupid??"

To Be Continue....

unpredictable?

when i am 17, i dont know i will end my secondary so fast.
when i am 18, i dont know that i gonna be so superb far to study.
when i am 19, i dont know that i have meet a bunch of good frens that really will care about me and even didnt leave me when i need them. And get break up so badly sadly.
when i am 20, i dont know that i have lose again on my bet and i force to leave them. and so i meet another bunch of frens, that will do the same, and even more. much more...
when i am 21, i am so guilty that i have done something wrong to a place that brings me frens, happiness, expirience, even wish.

now, i will face the unpredictable things that gonna come soon.
new place for me, new task for me, new ppl for me, but old me. memories is always in your mind, so i will let the histories tells me what is next.
new fren old buddies, new class old school, old me but new mind. BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!

there is alot of unpredictable things happen in my life, but when there is everything predictable, what do i live for??

Guilty

I didnt break the law but i did a moral wrong. i study these before in my certificate level. but i did it. i am so freakin sohai to being unhonest when i know i maybe cant take the consequences. so now i got nowhere to run but just try my luck.
i try my luck even bet on it since i am small, it is stupid but when your luck brings you to what you wan or bet for; you will try it again. Again. things started to change when i bet it on something big. i bet my luck that after i take my spm, i leave my school. in my school form 6 is a must or no you cant get your graduate cert'. i bet my luck on it and so, i lose. i fail my BM and so college dont accept me. until i get through to tarc studied for the cert' level 4, i bet again. i bet that i can continue without wasting a year of waiting to repost my BM result to school. i fail.
now, i bet again. If i win, i will not do this again! If i lose, i must take the consequences and i will not try to bet my luck on anything anymore. it is dangerous and it is stupid. i feel so guilty and now bcame so scared. i dont want to lost my reputation and i dont want others to think that i am such a person but thou, i am cos i did it. and i dont want to let my parents remind something bad that what i have did before. it is something small to others. but it is big for me...
now i can only hope, and wish...